At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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