He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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