guys are only as good as the porn they watch
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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