in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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