I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
