1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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