why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
