I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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