I think I died a long time ago.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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