Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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