There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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