some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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