I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
