Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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