So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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