I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
