He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
