And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
