dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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