I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
