look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
