the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
