I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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