Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize