Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
