I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
