His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize