i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Randomize
