life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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