i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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