none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize