new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
