So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
