There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
