last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
did i just pee glitter
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
