He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
