now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
