I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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