ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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