Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
