So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
