the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize