people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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