I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
