Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
