did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
