have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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