fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize