Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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