6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
