i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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