You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
