She is in my trunk
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
