I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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