So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
zippers are such a cool invention
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
