my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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