Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
