dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
me + whiskey = a bad person
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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