Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
