It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
