Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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