My hand turned me down
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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