I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
