omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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