I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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