i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize