these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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